Unk T Hunkers

fatGuy.jpg  Christmas was hard on me.   I slipped out of the low-carb diet last summer and THOT I was watching what I ate (apparently AS I ATE IT) and then Christmas came.   Booze, food, more booze, even more rich food, chocolate, late nights and early mornings.   Suddenly my slax all felt tight and I was rummaging in the back of the closet for my fat clothes.   Trigger One: fat clothes

We also just signed a new client who produces and markets certified organic cereals and related items (Nature’s Path Organics).   As part of the process I bought a bunch of their products and started integrating them into my diet.   They were actually really good!   Then I started noticing what I was eating and decided to stop eating really nasty overly processed stuff.   That was easy, actually.   Trigger two: new organic foods client

Finally, as it is COLD here, I found that it suddenly was sort of awkward to get into and out of my low sports coupe with my coat on.   I rationalized that it was the f**king bulky coat until I spilled coffee all over me one morning cause I couldn”t launch myself out of my car without grabbing the top of the door.   Trigger Three: tight seat small car.

A couple weeks ago I joined Kelly’s health club and started in on my routine at 5:30 every morning.   I got up around then anyway, but would sit and drink coffee and read the Times cover to cover,sweet, but not slimming.   I had hoped to see lots of cute babes at the club, but I guess they are getting their beauty sleep at that hour (sort of goes to figure, eh?).   My 5:45am compatriots obviously did NOT   get their beauty sleep ‘cause they aren”t.   The trainer set me up: thirty minutes on the bike at 12 (strength work out mode) and then the machines for a 20 minute circuit.   Back home for a shower, shave and breakfast and I”m at my desk by 8am.   The pros say 3 work outs a week, so I am doing MWF and then once on the weekend (when the chicks ARE there).  

As I heard Jeffrey Ross say the other day on Comedy Central: “Today I realized the hour I extend my life by working out an hour every day has already been spent working out.”         At least I”m even,


3 thoughts on “Unk T Hunkers

  1. When you say “Then I started noticing what I was eating and decided to stop eating really nasty overly processed stuff,” do you really mean “Then I started noticing what I had been eating before and decided to stop eating really nasty overly processed stuff.”? I bet yer clients hope so….

    Doc B moved from south Georgia to southern France and dropped 9 kgs in three months — back to his pre-Ga. weight. Some tips: Drink wine, not beer (tip within a tip: don’t keep beer in the house; make it a treat when you go to yer brother-in-law’s bar). Don’t eat such large portions of meat. Even though it tastes good, stop filling yer face when you’re no longer hungry, not when you think you might burst. It’ll still taste as good (sometimes better!) the next day as leftovers. Learn to make pasta (it’s just eggs and flour and a pasta machine) and then limit yer pasta intake to fresh homemade — it tastes way better and you won’t pack on the carbs by eating it every other night when yer too lazy to cook for real (it also stores easily in the fridge — after all, it’s still just eggs and flour — so make a double batch of dough to save time). Try to cook as much as you can from scratch. Teach yer teenaged daughter to cook and let her take up some of the cooking slack — the more people cooking, the less the cooks get bored and fall back on spaghetti and frozen foods (sorry Fred). Don’t drive around for 10 minutes trying to get the Kojak parking spot. Park at the back of the lot and walk yer lazy ass the fifty damned yards to the store. It may be the only walk you get all day!


  2. …and wear a pedometer. Like my older bro, I like the early morning walk and try to log at least 7000 or so steps in the morning. The only time you see this kid at the Wellness Center (sorry for the Newspeak, Marcus) is when it is raining.


  3. Good advice, Brian. And thanks for reminding me to make my own pasta, my machine is gathering dust, somewhere.
    And for W… on my morning walks, I do about 5000 steps. I don’t have a pedometer, maybe I should get one. Kaiser Permanente (our health plan) says one is good to do 10,000 steps a day, but I think that’s all day, not just a walk.
    And if you haven’t read French Women Don’t Get Fat, it is a good read and chock full of good advice. Like at the last Giants game I went to, I was faced with the escalator to the top deck, or walking up the ramp. “What would the French woman do,” I asked myself… and took the ramp. Let’s see, to go up 90 feet at 12 feet horizontal for each foot vertical is 1080 feet, plus landings. Plus walking back down and 3 blocks each way to the bus. A good walk… can I have the Giant Bratwurst with grilled onions and a beer?


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